Hello Vera Fellows and Professors!
I’m excited to be one of the first participants in the “Ask an Alum” blog series! I was a Vera Fellow during my senior year (2008-2009) at Project Renewal’s Parole Support and Treatment Program (PSTP) and Housing and Services, Inc. (HSI). While at PSTP, I shadowed a team of caseworkers whose client list consisted of mentally ill and drug addicted ex offenders. My big project at HSI was to research and report the impact of New York City and State budget cuts on supportive housing units. I was fortunate to have two internships that were very different from one another.
Just a little background… I spent my entire college career working towards becoming a researcher. When I started my first internship in the fall, I had already filled out several applications to PhD research programs. By the time I ended my second internship in the spring, I realized I wanted to enroll in a clinical program and be a practitioner. How annoying, right? There I was in my senior year with a future plan that no longer fit what I wanted to do. It wasn’t that I lost all interest in research or that I wasn’t happy doing it, just that I was happier working directly with clients. This realization led me to take some time off after graduation- a scary, unacceptable thing for overachievers to do. I worked full-time and filled out new applications to MSW programs. I’m happy to say that I just began my first semester at Hunter College School of Social Work.
I am interested to hear about your future plans- do you see yourself as more of a researcher or practitioner? Are you hoping to continue on to graduate school or go right to the work force? I know you haven’t been at your agencies for very long, but have you had any immediate thoughts about how your experience will fit into your larger professional goals? Have your first impressions caused you to question the type of work you think you want to pursue?
Can I offer some advice? Be flexible. It’s okay to change your mind. You may have figured out what you want to do but don't let that stop you from trying something different. You can love to do many things. Also, remember that your good and bad experiences are equally important- they’re both helpful in figuring out what it is you do or don’t want to do. The community you will create with the other Fellows and Professors is rare and special, take advantage of it! Feel free to ask any questions and I will do my best to comment back!
Thanks for inviting me to the blog- it’s good to be back!
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19 comments:
It is great to hear about your experience Amanda. Thank you very much for letting us know about your experience, it sounds like you went through various changes to get to the place you are most content with now. I'm delighted to see that your experience has taught you where your true passion is, rather than having to wait later and see that what you thought you enjoyed, isn't everything you wanted.
Otherwise, I still haven't done any hands on work at my internship area as of yet. However, in my academic experience, I have seen that I want to postpone going to Law School after I graduate and pursue my Masters degree. I am very much interested in my major as of now, International Criminal Justice and now that John Jay has added a Masters degree in this field called International Crime and Justice, I see that I literally want to be a part of this program. I want to be part of this program because I truly enjoy researching about topics that have to deal with the international realm (specifically terrorist organizations) and try to figure out why things happen and how they are planned out. Overall, I am more interested about the ideologies of different terrorist organizations and how their mind sets make them do what they do. I believe that is the most interesting part of the research, when you figure out how the other side thinks and try to put yourself in their shoes to see why they decide to live their life in their certain way.
The only question I have for you is, what if you didn't have the internships you had with Vera, would you have ever known or perhaps figured out that your prior interest wasn't for you? Or would you have known when you went deeper into your studies?
Once again, thank you for sharing your experience and I look forward to hearing back from you.
What has happened to Amanda, has happened to many other college students; you go through many years of training and then realize that you don't know what you want to do with it. I am definitely the type of person that changes my mind often, my core values remain consistant, however my place in the world remains fluid. I know that I want to help people and that I need to make a positive impact on society, but in exactly what way is unknown to me. I cannot predict the future, I will only follow the path that is being laid for me.
My first semester of John Jay I was accepted to be a member of the Office of Community Outreach and Service Learning, which lifted my spirits and opened many doors. I participated in a study abroad program this past summer in the Dominic Republic, where I conducted research concerning causes of poverty among children of the Dominican Republic and Haiti. And now I am in this amazing seminar, with the undivided attention of three professors of diverse educational backgrouds.
Due to unforseen circumstances I was placed with my second choice, Center for Employment Opportunities, an agency that seems to suit me better. Thinking about future plans I have been considering attending Berkeley to earn my PhD, however I was also hoping that this internship would lead to a paid position. Then, while on my first day working with my mentor and meeting all of the amazing staff, I discovered that they may be expanding to Oakland. It seems that the pieces of my puzzle are all falling into place. I have learned so much in just the first two days, not only about the agency, but also about the inaccuracy of my personal opinions. I have experience researching and I have a strong passion for Anthropology. While shadowing my mentors I expect to learn the standpoint of the practitioners, researchers, and legal professionals. I feel as though I may be able to incorporate my own radical thinking with the professionalism of the team and create an all new approach. Maybe this is whishful thinking, but I am an optimist. I cannot contain my enthusiasm!
Hi Amanda,
I would like to start by saying that your blog is very interesting and thank you for sharing your experience with me.
Amanda, we go through many changes in life, it could be in school, at work, even with friends. I don’t see anything wrong when a person decides to make changes in their life. I believe that a person must enjoy what they do in general in order to feel happy with their life.
Let me tell you a little about myself. After working for a major company for many years I decided to return to school and study something different and more challenging. The scope of my present job is not related to my future goals. This is my senior year and this is my first time at the Vera Fellowship Program and it is very interesting to me. I was placed at JOBPATH, an organization that helps disabled people get a job, housing, medical care, food stamps and other government assistance. I interviewed at JOBPATH recently. When I arrived at the JOBPATH office many things were running through my mind such as, do I really want to do this? I want to do something different but similar to customer service with hands-on involvement. I was wondering if the skills I would learn at JOBPATH would be useful in the future. I guess time will tell. My duties at JOBPATH will be very challenging and it will keep me on my toes. They will give me several cases that I will investigate from beginning to end. Sorry that I can’t tell you more about my internship at JOBPATH since I haven’t started work there yet. My first day will be September 07, 2010.
I will continue my dreams to become an attorney and help people who are in need of representation in court.
Amanda, you stated that your clients consisted of mentally ill and drug addicted ex offenders - can you give me some advice on how you deal with your clients? What was the hardest situation for you and how you did you manage it?
Thank you.
Amanda,
Let me first start by thanking you for your open and honest commentary. It is always helpful to hear about the experiences of someone who was once in your position. I must also thank you for your assurance that it is okay to change your mind.
After years focused and dedicated study, and countless reassessments of who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do, I’ve recently realized something very important. I realized that I needed to focus more on what was happening in my life right now. The future will never be certain. For countless reasons, it will change. It is, of course, important to have goals and dreams and some idea of where your life is headed. But I think that it is equally important to be present, and to enjoy the life you are living.
Because opportunity often comes to me from unexpected places, I have been considering that where I end up in life (wherever I end up in life) will have as much to do my relationships, as it will have to do with my academic career. While I don’t subscribe entirely to the idea that it is “who you know NOT what you know”, I’m certain now that it is a combination of both.
It is lucky that I enjoy being in school, because people often excel at things they enjoy. So on the same note, I am lucky that I enjoy the company of everyone at Esperanza, and that I think I will be enjoying the project I have been assigned to. I also greatly enjoy traveling, spending time with friends at home and abroad, and making new friends at home and abroad. So whatever it is I end up doing, if I decide to go to grad school or law school or start working after graduation, if I decide to stay in New York or explore the world, I know that the decision will be right for me. I know that my decisions will be based upon doing what I enjoy, and I know that I will be happy in the future. But, honestly, I’m really not in any rush to get there.
I would like to echo Jessica’s question, where do you think you might have ended up if it had not been for your participation in Vera? Would you have eventually come to the same realizations and taken that year off?
Thanks again for your contribution!
Thanks for all the responses so far!
It’s funny- recently I was asked “What if there is some other job or field out there that you would be happier in, but you just don’t know it?” It’s a great question, but also a horrible one. If I’m unhappy, asking myself this would prompt me to re-evaluate and think about what else I might want to pursue. Sounds good. But if I am already happy, it could drive me crazy wondering if I could be happier. Not so good. You can only do so much to figure it out and the rest you have to let fall into place. To clarify- I wasn’t unhappy doing research. I’m even convinced if I were currently in a PhD program that I’d be just fine! If it weren’t for Vera, I’m not sure what would have happened. Maybe eventually I would have figured it out or perhaps not (and been none the wiser). I think the point is to not be paralyzed by uncertainty. Try not to close yourself off from opportunities that don’t perfectly “fit in” to your plan; don’t be so stuck or rigid in your plan that you won’t consider anything else a possibility.
So much “happiness” talk! Not to be a downer, but it’s important to remember that we will probably be unhappy with our professional lives at some point(s). The best thing we can do is educate ourselves enough and gain a variety of experience so that we will have choices- just remember, you don’t have to make them all right now!
Great question, Rosario! It’s one I find myself asking often of people in the field. While I don’t hold the secret to successfully dealing with clients, (I’m hoping grad school will fill me in, haha) I believe it has a lot to do with empathy. Having the capacity to understand your client’s emotions is very helpful for dissolving judgment and allowing you to focus on problem-solving. Something I’ve been told over and over again is to “meet the client where he is at,” meaning I need to understand the context within which that individual is operating. It was easy for me to do this while working with mentally ill and drug addicted ex offenders- I imagined that I might behave the same way/make the same choices if I experienced life similarly to those clients. Now, I am holding my breath because I don’t anticipate empathizing as easily with the clients at my new job. Next week I start working at the Brooklyn Family Defense Project, a law firm that represents parents in child welfare cases filed by the Administration for Children’s Services. As a scholar and professional-in-training I am able to understand the context in which a family unit falls apart and children become neglected, but, acknowledging my emotions, it also really pisses me off and makes me incredibly sad. Next week I will be going into homes where parents are at risk of having their children taken away and it will be my job to connect the (currently unfit) parents to services so that they can maintain custody of their kids. Like I said, my rational self understands the importance of this work, but still, I expected to feel conflicted. Anyone have any tips/advice? I’m reminding myself that my personal and professional values aren’t always going to be completely in line with one another. For those of us interested in working with clients, we’ll come to know which populations we work with best.
When working with clients it’s good to keep in mind our role: it’s not our job to fix their lives but instead to try and understand and offer help in the best way we know how. Sure, there were times when I was frustrated and thought “man, I could fix this client’s life much quicker if he would just listen.” But that thinking is erred- it isn’t my job to fix anyone’s life, but rather to give people resources that will hopefully be of aid. I can’t underestimate the importance of listening to the client. I cannot do things for them, but instead with them. And sometimes I won’t be able to do anything at all. We are looking to empower, not control.
I got carried away with my response to your question! It’s natural for you to wonder if the skills you’ll learn at JOBPATH will be useful in the future. I think it’s safe to say they will be- you never know when you might be tasked with something that requires you to draw upon those skills. Better to have them than not!
Hi Amanda!
Thank you for an exciting story of your life. I am so happy for you. As far as I know, Hunter Social Work Program is the best in the country. Were you a Steamboat Scholar? If yes, I might have met you during the interview at the Honor Society room at John Jay. Please correct me if I am wrong.
My life experience is a kind of similar to yours. I graduated from the high school when I was 15. My parents are doctors. Therefore, they wanted their child to follow their life paths. I did not. I turned 16 during summer and started my studying at Kyiv National Linguistic University (KNLU). I had a double major: English and Psychology. I came to the United States in June of 2007. Here, I understood that I wanted to study law or economics (I was always good at math). As a result, my major at John Jay is International Criminal Justice and minor in Economics. I cannot state that I made those choices. People that I met helped me to do that. Sometimes, we might think that we know what we want to do; however, when we look back we understand that we are in some places now that we could never even think about it before. This is exactly what happened to me. Sitting at my international economics and terrorism classes this semester, I was questioning myself how I got to this stage in my life. My friends, parents, and professors helped me to do that. The most fascinating thing about it is that I really enjoy what I am doing now.
I have some experience doing research in psychology from the KNLU. At John Jay, I am a second-year McNair Scholar. The name of my research is: “Was It Genocide?: The Soviet Union’s Intervention in Ukraine in 1932-1933”. The famine was provoked by the Soviet Union Communist government in an attempt to thaw the desires of Ukrainian independence. Many years had passed, millions of people were killed. In 2005, the former president of Ukraine Victor Yushchenko was trying to make the government of the Russian Federation recognize the policies of the Soviet Union government against the Ukrainian people as genocide. However, the Russian federation was denying that possibility. Currently, there is a heated scholarly debate over whether the famine constituted genocide. In seeking answers, my research focuses on the perceptions of the people who actually lived through the Ukrainian Famine of 1932-1933, and compare their perceptions of what happened with those of their children and grandchildren generation. I got my IRB approval in June and now I am interviewing people.
I got my internship at Neighborhood Defender Service of Harlem (NDS). I am grateful that my mentor Thomas Giovanni gives me a possibility to participate in three projects that I like the most: the Fatherhood Program, the Immigration Service Project, and the Youth Law Project. I will be also observing criminal case in the Court (Downtown Manhattan).
With that being said, I want to share with everybody my plans for the future. I want to get my PhD/JD in Political Economy and Government. I am also looking at some International Affairs Programs.
NYC is a melting pot. People from all over the world are here. I try to find and individual approach to everyone while dealing with people. However, it might be difficult to do that in some cases because everyone has different social, ethnical, national, and religious backgrounds. Have you ever experienced similar situation? If yes, could you please provide me with examples and the way you dealt with it?
Thank you for your participation and I look forward for your advices.
Amanda,
Thank you for your excellent advice. Have a great Labor Day.
Jose Rosario
I truly must say I have been fortunate enough to not suffer a similar juggling of occupational aspirations for a long time now. Hearing how one plans for their future only at, seemingly, the last second have a change of heart scares me a bit as such a realizations could be life changing. It does however fill me with hope as just after such a realization you were well equipped to handle the new situations you were presented with. Had you not had your internship experiences you would not have been well equipped to handle everything as well as you did, and I hope everyones internships give them opportunities and experiences that will aid them throughout their life in general. The advice about flexibility is also very true and sound, many times in life you have to roll with the punches, even if they are haymakers, and it is the bendable reeds, not the stiff trees which survive the most storms.
Amanda,
Thank you for sharing your experience as a former Veron and also as a John Jay Alum. Your journey to the place where you are now is absolutely inspiring. I am pleased that you did not give up after you decided to change your career path. I am sure that many others have had changes similar to yours but may have let discouragement overwhelm them. So, congratulations on your dedication to fulfilling your career path! I accept the advice that you offer especially because you have lived it, so I know that you are very aware of many of the questions and concerns that we as college students may have.
My first two weeks at the agency in which I was placed, Safe Horizon, has been great thus far. I have not begun working on anything just yet, but I will be working a project very, very soon. I feel that my experience at this agency will be eye-opening and rewarding. I believe that I will gain a practical experience in terms of the processes that take place behind the scenes, regarding cases involving domestic violence, stalking, and sex offences. These are only a few of the major issues with which society has to contend, but they are important to me because I have read extensively on such issues.
I am not certain what I will be doing once I graduate, but I am very open minded to exploring career options. This is why my internship is of such importance because if I get first-hand experience in one or two fields, I believe that the experiences will expose me to an area in which I may eventually feel comfortable working.
After reading your blog, I have two questions: The career path that you are on now, are you as sure about that path as you once were of your former path? Also, do you see yourself making any major changes to your location, that is, are you considering working outside of New York?
Hi Amanda,
I wanted to thank you for posting your blog for the Vera Seminar. I just wanted to let you know that I am interning for HSI. I noticed that you wrote you interned for them in 2009. Did the HSI internship help you with becoming a researcher?
One of my tasks is to organize files and create statistics reports for HSI, but I’m more of a practitioner so I hope that eventually I will get a more hands on experience at HSI. I have always been use to more hands on approaches to the tasks I’ve undertaken, and that’s what is challenging about the Vera Seminar for me. The greatest tool we use here is our observation, comprehension, and communication skills.
I know I will go on to graduate school, but the major of my graduate studies is undetermined as of yet, I’m not sure if I want to pursue a masters in criminal justice or explore other options.
Why did you decide to pursue higher education in research and social work?
It is still early yet for me to determine if the internship will aid me in professional goals, and I am still undecided of exactly what I want to pursue professionally.
I do hope I learn from my internship and find a way to apply that knowledge to future ventures. I want to thank you again for posting your blog, and wish you good luck at Hunter College.
Amanda,
For half of my college career I was convinced that I wanted to be a lawyer. I formulated my major and my courses around that goal—being a CUNY BA gives me the luxury of constructing my own major. Many people were fascinated by my decision to be a lawyer and many others scoffed at the choice and then quoted Shakespeare, “the first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Despite the many dissenting voices I was determined to be a lawyer, not because it was necessarily something that I wanted to do but because it was something that I knew I could do well and in the process make bundles of money.
In the summer before my junior year I took a class with a Professor Perez of the English department. In the fall semester of that same year I took another course with Professor Perez. During my second class with the professor I realized that I wanted to what he did; I wanted to be a literature professor. I then had to reconcile my desire to be both a lawyer and a professor. The principle reason I wanted to be a lawyer was to make money—many people will be untruthful and give you a more noble reason, but more often than not many people just want to be a lawyer for the money. The main reason I want to be a professor is apparent in my love for stimulating, intellectual conversation, not that this cannot be found in other fields, but a class room is created particularly for that purpose. Also, I realized that sharing ones ideas with young intellectuals and learning from them as well was highly fulfilling from the look on my professors faces when someone in the class said something particularly insightful. I enjoy sitting in a class room and it became clear, happiness preceded money.
As of right now I do not think that my goals will change, but I am open to the possibilities that it might and that my internship at CASES will either strengthen my goal to become a professor or help me to find something else that might be worthwhile and fulfilling for me.
Chad Out!
First I want to congratulate you on beginning classes at Hunter (it is such a gorgeous campus).
It is funny because my whole life I have had great direction, and I have always known what I want to be. That was a lawyer. The only other career I wanted prior to a lawyer was a Bus Monitor (so I could walk up and down the isle). Next to wanting to be a lawyer, I have found an interest in becoming a US Marshal. Now, I am lost! And I hate that feeling! Although I must say that 1. I have a new found love for juveniles. 2. I am in the BA/MA program which was one of the best decisions I have ever made as far as school goes. and 2. I love Vera!
As for after graduating with my Bachelors and Masters from John Jay, I am not sure where to go. I have been hearing different ideas from various places on what next steps I should take and I would love your input. Should I continue on in schooling (Law School or PhD) or should I take a year off and work?
Hi Amanda and thanks, everyone, for responding so promptly. An inspiring and thought-provoking conversation has ensued! The other professors and I have been (uncharacteristically) silent so as to enable student voices to be heard. But I did have a few concrete questions for Amanda to add to the excellent, but perhaps more philosophical questions already posed.
If you could put your finger on one specific skill that has helped you on your path, what would it be?
If you could have changed one aspect of either of your Vera experiences, what would it have been and why?
We just finished our "core values" exercise (remember, when you had to read the mission statements of a bunch of places including your agency and list your own core values). Are your core values the same as they were two years ago and do you think any of them helped you make the decisions about which you write?
Feel free to answer all (or none) of these. I know you're busy with the first weeks of school!
I just want to thank everyone again for your responses!
Nadiya- yep, I’m a Steamboat Scholar. I was so fortunate to be a part of several fellowship/internship programs while at John Jay. You’re right- everyone has different backgrounds and experiences and it can be a barrier to performing your job. But I think this goes back to educating yourself on diversity, having appropriate empathy, and approaching the client in a way tailored to that specific person. A client once said to me, “No offense, but you can’t possibly understand or help me because you’re white.” He was black, and I knew it was more than just a statement about skin color- it was about the way he assumed I grew up, the life experience he assumed I had (or didn’t have), and how all of that made me less capable to help him. I had to be understanding of his point of view and also honest with myself about the reality of what he was saying/implying. I acknowledged his doubts and then assured him that I would do my best while working with him. I told him that I was part of a team to whom I could reach out if I felt unable to handle something. You are bound to experience client resistance for various reasons and so I encourage you to talk with your supervisors, coworkers, and fellow Verons to come up with different responses!
Jamie- Well, I just know that Social Work is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. I believe I had enough experience prior to starting grad school to know that SW is for me and that I should be pursuing it. Even though I have a pretty clear focus, I am making sure to expose myself to various methods within the field so that I always have options. As far as location, I’m definitely not committed to NYC! I grew up in Pennsylvania and moved to NYC to attend John Jay. I also applied to graduate schools outside of the city. I love it here, but I’m willing to go anywhere for a promising job opportunity (yes, anywhere!).
Katie is asking the million dollar question: “Should I take time off or go straight to graduate school?” I don’t really have an answer for you. My break from school was unintentional; by the time I decided to apply to MSW programs I had already missed the deadlines. At first I felt that I was completely wasting a year of my life, but I couldn’t be happier with the way it turned out. I did a lot of traveling, got some sleep, and rectified my social life. The consensus is that if you want to take time off to work and save money, 12 months is typically not enough time to save a significant amount of money. I definitely found that to be true. However, it might be wise to work a job in the field to see if it is/isn’t for you. While you will be bringing some extra real-world experience to the classroom if you take a break, it is less difficult to get back into “school mode” if you don't. It really depends on your circumstances. For some of us it’s just about what we want to do, but others don't have a choice. It’s an important question, but we pain over too much. Our parents usually have a strong opinion, too! I think much of our concern has to do with perception- we worry we’ll be perceived negatively for taking “time off.” The only real advice I have is if you do decide to take time away, make it worth it! To be honest, at the end of the day (or our life!) it is just a year and I tend to think it’s not as consequential as we make it seem. But maybe I’ll feel differently a few years down the line. Just remember that there isn’t one way to do things- some of the people in my program came right from undergrad while others have been out in the field for 20+ years. Professors, thoughts?
Dear Amanda and seminar students,
I want to add my thanks to Amanda for posting and for stimulating a wonderful discussion. We all appreciate your generosity of spirit--the time you're giving us and the thoughtfulness of your comments and responses.
I completely agree with your point, Amanda, that there is no one way to find one's path, and no one dream or vision, either. Every experience provides you new information about what you like, don't like (from where to work, what to do, how to live your life), what you'd like to do and what you don't want to do with your life. The road isn't straight. In the end, why would we want it to be straight? There are lots of pressures out there that make "freeing" yourself to take the time and create the space for a crooked journey more difficult (financial pressures, worries about the competition in a world marked by competitiveness, cultural messages about what is valued and valuable and who is valued and valuable). As much as it is possible for each of you, I hope you do engage the journey with an open mind, and a sense of adventure and confidence.
I would not have become an anthropologist if I had succumbed to the pressures when I was in my 20s (and there were lots of pressures then too). Instead, I followed my heart, exploring different possibilities (and taking the time to travel just as Amanda and Lenny have done or are doing), and tried out different work roles. I didn't even discover anthropology until my late 20s!!
Looking back at the course of my life, I feel proud of myself for having had the courage to explore and not settle for the straight and narrow. Looking back at the course of my life, my regret is that I didn't have more confidence even as I took some chances. I made certain decisions (mostly having to do with what I did NOT do; things that I now do regret) simply because I lacked enough confidence.
For each of you: Looking at your own life, what about yourself or what you have done or accomplished that makes you proud of yourself? Looking at your own life and self, can you identify where you're vulnerable, what intimidates you, what stops you from taking something to the next level?
The first accomplisment that comes to mind is my move to New York. I grew up in a small suburb in Rhode Island and had only visted the city once prior to moving here. I attended the University of Rhode Island for a year and a half and then decided that I needed to branch out. I loved the idea of moving to the big city and I had the ut-most joy saying to people "I'm going to be living and going to school in NYC". And then the day came. I moved in and I wanted to grab onto my mom's leg and not let her leave me. I remember thinking that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I did not know the city what-so-ever, I did not know how to navigate the subway system, and I knew nobody. The first week that I was in New York, I sat in the subway at Penn Station and observed how the trains worked. I know this sounds quite silly but I refused to ask anyone how to get anywhere. Eventually, I figured out how everything worked, I made friends, and overall I feel as though I have thrived in the environment of NYC. One of the best decisionis I made was moving to New York. I have grown so much in a multitude of aspects, and I have finally popped my suburb bubble. Even though I have expanded my horizons and had a wealth of self growth, there is still room for so much more. Where I am vulnerable is that unlike Herb Sturz I am afraid of failure. I have a diffiuclt time coping with not succeeding and I need to learn from his example and realize that the most growth can occur in failure. Another area where I am vulnerable or I become intimidate is my asserativeness and nerviousness in certain situations; I have already begun to work on this and I will continue to work with myself on it.
Amanda-I would love to hear your responses to Professor Waterson’s questions.
Ahh Joseph- a fellow HSI’er! That internship gave me a really good sense of what it takes, administratively, to keep an organization running. I hope you enjoy your time there!
Professor Reitz, I’ve always prided myself on my ability to dispassionately argue an issue. While it’s certainly important to have passion for your work, it is equally important to calmly and rationally dissect an issue and view it from all sides. Not everyone has the same perspective or stake in something and once you realize that you will be able to do better work. I’ve also learned to ask questions of my bosses, coworkers, professors, and fellow students. It used to be very hard for me to ask questions because I worried that I would sound dumb or waste people’s time, but the more questions you ask, the more you learn and show that you are interested.
As for changing something about my Vera experience, I would have liked more structure within my internships. Sometimes I felt as though my supervisors weren’t exactly sure what to do with me and I thought I could have been more useful. Current fellows, if you feel like you can handle more work at your agency, ask for it!
Professor Waterston’s question might just be the most difficult question I have ever been asked. It’s hard for me to admit this, but I’ve been thinking about it for days and still haven’t come up with an answer. I rarely, if ever, feel satisfied and tell myself “good job” and when I do, it’s usually because I accomplished something menial- like making it to the bank before it closes (…it’s the little things). Did you know one of the definitions of “proud” is “having or showing self-respect or self-esteem?” I do believe in my abilities and think of myself as a capable person. This is obviously something I need to explore, because we should all take the time to pat ourselves on the back and feel proud of the work we’ve done.
I become vulnerable and intimidated when I don’t have a well thought-out plan. I’m not fond of doing things off-the-cuff because I like time to explore, formulate, do test-runs, and adjust my plans. I tend to obsess about being “ready.” The problem is that no matter how prepared I am, I never feel ready, and sometimes that stops me from moving forward. Travelling has taught me that some of the best things happen when you have no plan. It’s interesting that I decided to do client work, which is more “crisis” oriented, as opposed to research, which would allow me a lot of time to plan and write and edit.
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