The beginning of the semester always feels like standing in the ocean, bracing yourself for a big wave and then the next thing you know you're on your hands and knees looking for your sunglasses and coughing up saltwater. Maybe that wave is the Blackboard snafus this week, registration woes, bookstore lines, confusing first weeks -- or the Vera Fellowship! Please use the few days you have to blog this week to bring up anything that is getting you down so far. Difficult transitions to new agencies? Issues with syllabi (including ours)? Unrealistic expectations of your various stakeholders? Share your first week concerns.
We also did not get a chance to talk about larger issues, such as what the new Obama administration might mean to the work of social justice, or how the ailing economy will affect the work that your agency is trying to do, the lives your clients are trying to recover, or your own thoughts on your future educational and career options. Share your comments on this exciting/troubling historical moment!
Last but not least, did anyone have a moment in class the first week when you thought "I'm glad to be back!" I did. I had a student last semester who ended up failing the course because of absences. This semester she is back, on time and incredibly well-prepared. I feel energized by how she managed to take the tough lesson of last semester and use it to turn things around. Resilience! Please share a positive first-week experience.
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Professor Reitz, thank you for helping to make this topic an approachable one. This semester is my last and while I should be rejoicing, since this achievement did not come without struggle, and I do mean struggle, I find myself with a different kind of struggle: staying motivated. I have been going through what I like to refer to as, “reorganizing my priorities”, because I am scared to use words such as: uncertain, scared, confuse, uninterested etc.
I believe a lot of my feelings surround my daughter and my fiancé, the family I hardly get to spend anytime with. As I reflect back onto my short life, all I have done was achieved, struggled, achieved, struggled … and unfortunately for me I had no family support. I feel stress knowing I must maintain the favorable G.P.A I have been protecting for so long knowing I am almost there.
I think of grad school or law school and an immediate need to compose myself rushes over me for fear of anxiety. I find solace in thinking that there are others going through this very experience, though it does not make me feel better. Perhaps my candidness is a bold attempt to expose my thought, rather than feel compel to keep this, whatever I am going through, to myself.
In the end, I know my obligation and I am disciplined in following it through, but my God, why must it be such a struggle.
Thank you, Professor Reitz, for setting out a blog call that let’s us explore so many personal/political domains (they are intertwined, can’t be separated) and yet asks us to think about something positive that may have happened this week. And thank you Kerry-Ann for your heart-felt and beautifully written entry on your own struggles. Struggles and joys. Sorrows and pleasures. I can relate to your entry, Kerry-Ann, and find I’m still grappling with balancing all the aspects of my complicated life. I wish I could say, “Oh, all the answers will come to you before you know it,” but that wouldn’t be truthful. And that too, has its two sides—blessing and burden. I mean, if everything were all figured out, wouldn’t life be boring (the blessing of the struggle)? At the same time, why, as you ask, does it always seem so difficult? (the burden). At the same time, if you take a step outside yourself (I am saying this for all of us—we each need to do this!) and look back on what you’ve done, accomplished and become, you can be reminded of your strength and to have faith in yourself and your decisions—and be reminded that your life is unfolding as rich, deep and large.
Professor Reitz asked us to think about something positive that happened this week. I love that she asked that question because I am the type to think about and remember only the hassles, and repress to the back of my memory the joys and happiness’s (is that cultural, I wonder?). I think the pleasures and joys come in small moments, but they do add up. My little pleasures this week would probably bore you to hear about, but I got to think about them and smile.
This topic is a great way to start off the blog! As a second semester junior, I'm surrounded over my head in work, work, and more work. Similar to your student, I had a lot of absences last semester in classes, internships, and work because I was feeling unwell (fainting on the train - not as exciting as it sounds!) I think because I felt so unwell, I took minor obstacles (like clients hanging up on me and pop quizzes) more personally than I should have. I used this past winter break to relax and SLEEP so I could be ready for this semester. Now I'm looking forward to each class and especially looking forward to starting over from last semester.
I completely understand the frustration over how difficult it is to keep everyone (including yourself) happy but I do know that hardships now will def. pay off in the end. Especially for us Vera pioneers :)
Hey everyone,
I am excited to be back and anxious for our last semster together. I am also greatful that all our great ideas were put into the syllabus. What other class would actually let us do that!! Just as everyone has mentioned I've had a hectic week with registration, books, etc. As professor Waterson mentioned it is funny how we all think of our hassels before anything positive that has occured. I'm glad to be back everyone!!
I'm not sure why, but Kerryann and Ridhi made me think about the utility of martial arts paradigms where the opponent's strength is redirected against him/her. It seems like we struggle against opponents (often inside ourselves: our perfectionism, need for control, our mortal bodies, whatever) because the framework we choose is conflictual and so, of necessity, we take on an adversarial identity. How exhausting.
When I stop fighting sometimes I find a way to bend (and not break) and discover synchronicity with my supposed "opponent"; sometimes I can even use that opponent's strength against itself (e.g.: You're obsessive? Don't fight it, just obsess about something positive!)
Reading this back makes me laugh because it sounds far too new age for this old academic cynic but I know that when my back aches sometimes it is better to lay down than do the extra bench press. I mean that metaphorically as well as literally. Something like remembering to keep you friends close but your enemies closer, especially the enemy inside!
By the way, I know nothing about martial arts. Professor Reitz, it feels like something positive to be willing to speak about things I know nothing about.
So, of course, I need to dwell on the negatives of the first week before I get to the positives. What’s weird about this semester for me is that every one of my classes is a continuation of a class I had in the fall. On one hand, the “testing water” period is eliminated: I don’t have to spend the time figuring out what professors expect of me or how much workload a class will be. On the other hand, this has to be the most boring start to a semester I’ve ever had. Outside of the Vera internship and seminar, I am continuing the same books, the same lectures, the same papers, etc. I wasn’t able to “wash my hands” of anything over winter break, and prepare for something new and exciting. (I want to assure you this is not a comment on how the Vera Fellowship is year-long!) I am not starting any new program and I haven’t joined any new organization. I had wild visions of taking it easy during my final semester of college, which was a joke, because I don’t know the first thing about taking it easy. Though I am bored, my schedule has never been so packed.
Now, I didn’t respond to the blog post right away because I needed to give myself time to remember something positive that happened during the first week, or let more time pass so that something positive could happen that I could write about. I was looking for this big consequential moment that would stick out in my mind, when I realized that feeling “bored” by some of my courses, and feeling like there is nothing new to explore is actually something positive: it means that I have done what I came to John Jay to do. I have exhausted and taken advantage of the options that the college offers. I have succeeded at not remaining stagnant. I have managed to build an incredible network of invaluable resources and support. I feel comfortable in a crazy city. Anyway, through recognizing my achievements I have come to understand my boredom, and that has helped me feel better about it! Ummm I hope this made sense!
What a great post! While the time off did give me time to relax, it also gave me time to think about how this is my last semester at John Jay. Good things and stressful things followed.
My whole life it seems I have never had the issue I believed to be common amongst many college students: not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. While this may sound like something great, I do have one main regret: letting other people's unsounded opinions/advice influence and shape the choices I have made. While I have always loved psychology and forensics (and subsequently, forensic psychology), there was another avenue of of interest that I have allowed people to persuede me from considering - criminal defense. Just thinking about it brings me back to when I was a child. There were times when I would go to work with my mother at a law office, be bored, and find myself reading through law books. I'm not sure what kind they were now (books that recorded criminal cases or some type), but I found it enthralling!
It's funny how positive experiences can stir up past frustrations. On Friday, I went to court with Thomas Giovanni, an attorney at NDS. I have never been to court before, and I feel strange calling it a "positive" experience. For a lack of better wording, it was enlightening and energizing (and maybe this was solely because I received the client interaction I have been lacking. I do not know, however I do intend to find out). There was just something about the atmosphere and the nature of the work that struck me.
Regardless, this experience made me revisit old desires that I had let others steer me away from. It seemed whenever I mentioned the term "criminal defense" I ALWAYS received a negative reponse. People would ask me "why", saying there was no money in criminal defense unless you became famous, etc. They would tell me if I was interested in law, then there were other types of law I could pursue. To this I would respond, "But that is the only type of law I am interested in". To this day I do not know why I let these responses influence me at all. I always knew I would pursue and academic career and was never in it for the money anyway. Alternately, the career choice of forensic psychology received all positive reactions (even though most people I had spoken to about it did not even know what it consists of).
So here I am... a college senior about to graduate and somewhat dissappointed with myself for being so suggestible. Since Friday, I have thought a lot about what I want to do after college. I know I cannot base an entire career on one day in court, but I am also afraid that that this is a career I may feel compelled to go after.
Even so, I am now even more excited about my placement and this semester! I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens!
For me, being a student is characterized by a cycle in which there are at least two distinct periods- the semesters and the breaks. Semesters are relatively short (only a few weeks long) but, intense. From the minute I receive my first syllabus until the moment I take my last final exam, I feel my work is never done. The breaks on the other hand, are filled with anxiety. With extra time to think, I find myself worried about where my life is going and anxious to have some sort of gratification to satisfy these anxieties. (At least during the semester I’m working towards something whereas breaks seem devoid of real meaning.)
So now the intense part is just starting up again. And though I’ve come to no conclusions about my future, I know that the best way to be prepared is to do my best at everything I take on. The hardest part for me is maintaining my motivation. The first few weeks are easy, but halfway into the semester I get weary and somewhat lazy. Of all my classes at John Jay the students and professors of the Vera Seminar seem to remain the most enthusiastic and motivated throughout the semester. Thank you all, for inspiring me and encouraging me to do better. Does anyone have advice on how to stay energetic and improve endurance?
Leave it to the ambitious Vera students to be invited to complain about registration but answer by asking us to think about the meaning of life! If you're not questioning life (and what you want to do with yours), then there was no point being in college. It's what you're supposed to do here. I'm sure that isn't terribly reassuring.
To answer Greta's seemingly more manageable final question, I suggest a paradox. The only way I find energy and endurance is to get more sleep and more outdoor exercise. The reason this is paradoxical is because taking time to sleep/exercise is also a stress-generator (those are hours, then, that I am not working either of my two jobs: professor & parent). But if I don't protect sleep and physical well-being, I lose any sense of why I made the choices I did and if I don't teach or parent with a purpose it all spirals downward.
I don't always listen to myself. By the end of the semester I'm hardly getting any sleep and, instead of exercising, I'm eating Twizzlers for breakfast over a stack of ungraded papers. But the longer I can go taking care of my self, the better I am at my life.
I think the first week is always the most difficult one. It is the time when you have to adapt or readapt to a new schedule. Apparently, this is the most difficult part for me, because I need to juggle between work, school, internship and home. I still remember how hard the last semester was for me, but I rewarded was in the end. On the other hand, I was looking forward to this new beginning, because I am going to intern with a new agency this semester, the one I wanted the most. I actually enjoyed my first day at the internship and I learned a lot.
It is interesting that Prof. Reitz brought economy in our discussion. For sure, the current economical situation is going to affect most of the agencies at which we intern. Few days ago, I met someone from CASES and she told me that the agency cut off an entire program. That’s sad, because while I was there, I realized that we need more programs like the one CASES implemented, to make a real difference. But now, without funds we need to start giving up great ideas which could have had a positive impact on so many people’s life.
Someone said on (last) Thursday that we are our greatest resource, and I think that's true. We should be using each other for support, information, opportunities, a kick in the behind (thanks Darakshan) more often.
Kerry- Ann, some of the little things that I do (that help a little) is change my environment- I cannot work at home, so I leave, go get a $1 coffee and sit somewhere, or come to school. Getting little tasks done first can serve as a confidence/motivation booster. I'm also a fan of writing out the things I need to do in smallsmallsmallsmall steps so that the work seems surmountable.
Ridhi, I'm glad you are feeling better.
Maureen, I think you would make an amazing defense attorney, and I am also doing the about-to-graduate freak out, I wonder how many of us are in the same boat??
Also love what Professor Stein said about looking at Martial Arts as a model- using the force of the obstacles to our advantage.
I'm looking forward to more discussions like today!
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